New forms to fill out if you're going to the US of A

So, you've decided to come to the US. Congratulations, now you have a mountain of paperwork to fill out, even if you are American!

I, an American, has been living in Canada for 6 years now and I've traveled to and from the U.S. more times then I can count. And each time I go back to the U.S. there are new restrictions.

Here are some examples of changes that have taken place since I moved to Vancouver in 2004:

-Cannot bring any liquids in carry-on: I used to bring back wine and such for friends and in 2007, much to my surprise, I was not allowed to bring any liquids (above 5oz. or whatev). So, when they threatened to throw away (not even keep) my nice bottle of wine, I had a little pity party with a stranger in the smoking section outside of SFO airport. In retrospect, drinking a bottle of wine before getting on a plane is a much bigger flight risk than just letting me on with the bottle, but hey they asked for it.

-Charging $$$ for ONE piece of checked-luggage: In 2008, the U.S. was surprised that they could not continue living in excess and had to face the music (aka huge pile of debt that is smothering everyone). Every business freaked out and immediately started cutting corners just to stay afloat. One thing that Air Canada (aka United) and Delta started doing was charging for one piece of checked luggage. $25 was the fee and it hasn't budged since. I've been pretty livid ever since.

-No carry-on bags entering the U.S.: This one is a weird one but hey so is the American Neo-Liberal ideal. On Christmas 2009, a man tried to explode himself on a plane coming from Amsterdam and entering Detroit. Apparently he had all the goods on his carry-on, so the U.S. made a rule saying no one could have any carry-on items with them when they get on the plane. Funny thing is...this does not apply if you are LEAVING the U.S., only entering the U.S.

-Additional information card mandatory for entering the U.S.: Here is the lastest and greatest from the U.S. Transportation Security Administration (TSA)'s Secure Flight Program.

Here is the awesome e-mail they sent to me about two weeks after I booked my flight to the U.S.

We note that you and/or your travel companion(s) have not yet provided the information required by Secure Flight for your upcoming flight to, from or via the U.S. departing on 11-FEB-10. As required under the U.S. Transportation Security Administration (TSA)'s Secure Flight Program, Air Canada must collect the following additional information for all passengers who book a flight to, from or via the United States:

• Full name as it appears on your travel document
• Date of birth
• Gender

You must provide the above information for all of the passengers listed in your booking at least 72 hours prior to travel. You can do so using our convenient online Advance Passenger Information (API) form. View our Secure Flight Program FAQs for more information. You may have been in the process of providing the required information while this email was being prepared. If that is the case, please ignore this request. Thank you Air Canada

No, Air Canada, thank you for letting me fly your crappy airline, not letting me bring my friends any liquid gifts, ensuring that I look crappy by not letting me bring any carry-on luggage, and leaving me broke for paying for my checked bag.

Next, they will be asking for a frontal lobotomy before I get on the flight. Oh crap, hope I didn't give them any new ideas.